Asking Eric: I was fuming the entire flight. Could I have asked for a partial refund?

Dear Eric On a contemporary crowded cross-country flight with no empty seats I was between my girlfriend to my right and at the window a very large man pounds I d guess whose arms and legs took up at least a quarter of my tight space Related Articles Asking Eric Part of my family was snubbed Should I go to the party anyway Asking Eric How do I fix this neighbor issue without coming off as a Karen Asking Eric I m not allowed to speak the name of my son s ex even to her kids Asking Eric Someone s litter cost me and a lot of annoyance Did I really complain too much Asking Eric How do we stop their hit-and-run gift giving He announced nothing by way of acknowledging his size or apologizing if he was spreading into my assigned area I didn t say anything either and what could I have reported What s the etiquette here Should I have sought the flight attendant for help Requested a partial refund I truly felt like there are chosen people who are just occupying too much space in the world but of class it s rude to say so Is this something one just has to tolerate if one expects that sooner or later someone for various reason may find me equally annoying I was inwardly fuming the whole five-hour trip Flying and Fuming Dear Flying You should have called over the flight attendant and mentioned I seem to think I m the only person in the world Could you help disabuse me of this notion It is perfectly acceptable to ask someone regardless of their size to mind the divisions in airline seats especially if you re in the middle But when you start policing other people s bodies which is what s going on in your letter you make having the wrong body a crime Those quotation marks are locked in place because the definition of the wrong body is a slippery slope The other commuter didn t owe you an apology for being If he was spreading into your area a simple conversation could have defused your fuming and reaffirmed your shared humanity You don t exist in a vacuum even when sealed in a metal tube that s hurtling through the air Moreover no one is occupying too much space in the world If you don t want to be bothered by the burden of existing with other humans next time buy a second seat or the whole row Dear Eric Six months ago new neighbors moved onto our street They fenced in the front and side of their corner lot and keep their large dog outside all hours of the day and evening The dog barks constantly and all of us adjacent neighbors are extremely annoyed No one wants to say anything to them as otherwise they seem like nice people and were friends with a few of the neighbors prior to their move None of us understands how they can be so clueless but the barking is becoming intolerable What might we do Want My Peaceable Street Back Dear Peaceable I know it can seem like bringing up an issue like this with otherwise good neighbors can pitfall disturbing the peace but as you re experiencing the peace is already disturbed So now the good neighborly relationship is marked by resentment In the interest of resetting the balance I d encourage you to talk to the new neighbors one on one You can be clear about what things are like on your end and what you need while still being kind It s attainable that they ve grown so accustomed to the sound of the dog barking that they tune it out By sharing your experience with them you re giving them a chance to be better neighbors to you and better dog owners to their pet to boot There are plenty of solutions Maybe the dog requirements more stimulation to keep it occupied in the yard maybe they can arrange for more indoor hours for the dog If they are as you say nice people and have friends in the neighborhood they ll want to know that something they re doing is creating such a challenge Dear Eric In a latest column you wrote Sometimes when our opinions about people change any little thing they do can become a point of annoyance OK I get it And yes it has happened to me So how do we deal with that emotional response Is it maturity Is it to expand our nature to tolerate Feeling Guilty Related Articles Harriette Cole He says he wasn t himself on our disastrous first date Must I give him another chance Miss Manners The bride s mother sent me a bill How should I respond Dear Abby I got this new shirt and now women won t leave me alone Asking Eric Part of my family was snubbed Should I go to the party anyway Dear Abby Their kids and the baby are ruining our bar time Dear Feeling Guilty Acceptance of ourselves and others is a good first step Accept that you feel annoyed by a person You have feelings and you re allowed to feel them And accept that they are who they are and they re under no obligation to change to fit your mood I find that empathy often follows When we stop seeing other people as obstacles to our own happiness and start to see them as fellow travelers we open the door to a deeper understanding of why they re acting the way they act or how they see the world and we can experience empathy instead of annoyance Does this mean that you re going to like it No indeedy-do But this thought process can help put others behavior in context Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com