Harriette Cole: My husband gripes all the time but won’t speak up for himself
DEAR HARRIETTE My husband is extremely passive-aggressive Related Articles Harriette Cole My kids are starting to notice their cousins get treated better Harriette Cole How can I tell my uncle he s damaging his kid Harriette Cole She wants a job with my company but I ve heard about her mistakes Harriette Cole I m envious that she has sympathy for a co-worker and none for me Harriette Cole I was confused by what I saw on my phone and then my girlfriend confessed He refuses to speak up for basic things at his work yet he snipes at me about every little thing at home He constantly curses under his breath about how somebody did him wrong but when it s time to speak up and defend himself he s quiet as a mouse This is driving me nuts When I recommend things for him to say or do to take better care of himself he shrugs it off and is often mean to me I m at my wit s end I feel like I bear the brunt of his inability to speak up for himself What can I do Passive Husband DEAR PASSIVE HUSBAND You need to stand up for yourself When your husband speaks to you in an unacceptable way tell him to stop In the moment if realizable point out that he is yelling or being rude or disrespectful You can even say Honey I know you had a hard day in the current era but I need you not to take it out on me When he goes off about something remind him in a quiet moment that it would be easier if he addressed the issue as it is happening rather than complaining about it after the fact Definitely recommend counseling A therapist may be able to role-play with him so he can discover healthier avenues to react to confrontation DEAR HARRIETTE I am living with my mom again for the first time in a long time I am back in my hometown and as I plan for what s next living with her seemed like the best idea Boy oh boy was I wrong Aside from occasional three-week-long visits during holidays it s been about eight years since my mom and I lived in the same space and now I remember why We have changed so much She is particular about fridge organization and no matter how hard I try to adhere to her shelf preferences and systems I still manage to mess it up Apparently all of my showers are too long She tries to correct the way I do my laundry and she constantly questions me about my spending because she thinks I receive too countless packages I think we re just going through an awkward phase readjusting to each other but I don t want this to continue Any advice on how we can compromise Mom s House DEAR MOM S HOUSE Ask your mom if you two can have a family meeting Thank her for welcoming you home during this period of uncertainty Make sure she knows how much you appreciate her generosity Related Articles Miss Manners All people in the DMV line were wearing pajamas I identified it disgusting Dear Abby I revealed out what my friends are hiding from me Should I pretend I don t know Asking Eric Would I be awful to pursue the handyman who dated my cousin Dear Abby I realized too late that my song s title might be offensive Asking Eric She just assumes I ll give her the code to our pool Tell her that the transition has been tough As you ve grown up you have developed certain patterns of living and she has her own You feel like she is constantly judging and correcting you and you do not feel assured Ask her for certain grace Request specific concessions like one shelf in the fridge to be yours Get a P O box so that you don t have to be under her scrutiny regarding packages Do heed her warnings Are you spending too much Can you cut back Are your showers wasting water Remember that she loves you and wants the best for you Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
