Harriette Cole: My mother’s revelation puts my childhood in a different light

DEAR HARRIETTE Out of nowhere my mom confided in me that she never really enjoyed being a mother Related Articles Harriette Cole I saw my missing cat in the neighbors window and they won t admit it Harriette Cole Should I ask the facilitator about the circumstance my child described Harriette Cole I keep replaying this distressing moment from my wedding Harriette Cole My friend laughed off the blunder but it stung to realize how people see me Harriette Cole Are you kidding me The wife who wants to date doesn t deserve sympathy She announced that since I am years old she feels like she can eventually be honest about it She narrated me she loves me and my siblings but the day-to-day experience of raising us was overwhelming and exhausting She announced working full-time and then coming home to care for three children felt like a burden she never really yearned She even admitted that if she could go back she wouldn t have had kids at all I m trying to be understanding I appreciate her honesty and I know parenting is hard especially for women of her generation who had fewer choices and backing systems but I can t lie Her words stung I keep wondering if that s why sometimes she seemed distant or irritable when we were growing up It s like I m reprocessing parts of my childhood with this new lens and it s bringing up a lot of complex feelings Should I talk to her about it more Should I be grateful for her honesty or is it OK that I m hurt by her admission Trying To Make Sense of It DEAR TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT Consider your mother s admission an opening for you both to speak candidly about the past Be compassionate It is a big job and a huge responsibility to care for children Every mother has meltdowns though it sounds like your mother s state of mind was more extreme than a few Let her know you appreciate her honesty and describe how it has impacted you Tell her you want to be able to share your reaction without her becoming defensive Perhaps you can both heal by talking together about the past and the present DEAR HARRIETTE I made a big mistake I am working on a job with a group of people and one is getting on my nerves After months of doing virtually nothing she wrote a note to me about things that need to get done I responded well but at the end of the email I called her out for not being available like she had promised not in a mean way but in a direct way What I didn t realize is that I hit reply-all Now everybody on the crew knows that I m ticked with her That is not a way to build morale Related Articles Dear Abby My grandmother speeds up to scare jaywalkers and sees nothing wrong with it Asking Eric I m finished with this friendship since I realized what she was doing Harriette Cole I saw my missing cat in the neighbors window and they won t admit it Miss Manners My houseguest insisted on using her sleeping bag Should I do the same Dear Abby My co-worker thinks I m mad at him In reality I have a raging crush How can I make amends so that I don t have a grumpy contractor on the job Oops DEAR OOPS Write to the contractor directly or call her and apologize for sharing your complaint with the whole company Explain that you were frustrated and didn t share your frustration well but that you truly do need her to step up and do her part Ask her what she demands in order to be thriving Do your best to provide that even if you don t want to do so As the leader encourage her to do her part Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO