Harriette Cole: When I complain about the hazing at work, they say my generation is soft

DEAR HARRIETTE I ve been an attorney for about five years I work at a tight-knit boutique firm representing major artists entertainers and record labels Related Articles Harriette Cole My roommate s annoying Post-its are affecting my peace of mind Harriette Cole This advice from my therapist seems drastic Should I go for it anyway Harriette Cole Is it unrealistic to date a man who lives more than an hour away Harriette Cole It was funny when we googled my new boyfriend and then it wasn t Harriette Cole My husband gripes all the time but won t speak up for himself Since my career started I have brought myriad new clients to the firm and exceeded my annual goals on a regular basis It feels like my firm upholds a hierarchy that is less about performance or value and more about tenure The people who have been at the firm longer feel entitled to all of the bigger clients even if I am the one who brokered the relationship or scouted them out I often feel undermined because specific of the managing attorneys speak over me and other young attorneys during client meetings And God forbid I make a mistake or miscommunicate with a client as opposed to constructive conversations my manager is condescending I tried giving feedback about the hostility that comes with this hierarchy they abide by but my more seasoned colleagues accused my generation of being sensitive and assured me that it s nothing they didn t experience I never expected that this kind of hazing would be prevalent in the professional world Is this what it s like for all young professionals across all industries Corporate Ladder DEAR CORPORATE LADDER Every industry is different but what s happening to you isn t right Work on building relationships with individual leaders in your business so they get to know you and are exposed to your work ethic and results Building and strengthening one-on-one relationships is the way to grow and defend yourself DEAR HARRIETTE My boyfriend is incredibly generous when it comes to friends family and even strangers but when it comes to me he s surprisingly stingy whether it s time attention or small gestures of affection I feel unappreciated hurt and confused because I don t understand why I m being treated differently especially since I try to assistance and give to him in every way I can I ve thought about bringing it up but I m worried that if I do it might come across as nagging or start an argument At the same time I don t want to continue feeling undervalued in my own relationship How can I talk to him honestly about how his behavior affects me without creating tension or making him feel attacked I just want to feel seen and appreciated for once I worry that if this continues it could build resentment between us over time Stingy Boyfriend DEAR STINGY BOYFRIEND This man doesn t deserve to be your boyfriend if he doesn t treat you right Speak up Point out to him that you have noticed how generous and thoughtful he is with others and how attractive you find that in his personality This makes it all the more perplexing that he does not afford you the same thoughtfulness and attention Related Articles Dear Abby My husband announced I should just get over my hurt feelings I did then I walked out Asking Eric Is it out of line to ask my neighbors to remove this eyesore Harriette Cole My roommate s annoying Post-its are affecting my peace of mind Miss Manners The bride is already mad at people and I don t want to be on that list Dear Abby Can I drop this woman after years of her lackadaisical texts Give him examples of times when you wish he had commented or done something that acknowledged or supported you when he didn t Tell him it hurts your feelings when he seems to overlook your necessities and desires Ask him if he realizes he does this If he shrugs it off and diminishes your concerns push back Tell him you need him to take your feelings seriously The way he responds will tell you all you need to know about whether he is the guy for you Don t stay if he is unwilling to shine chosen of his loving generosity directly on you Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO